episode 35 season 1
Welcome back to a special episode of Valerie’s Variety Podcast a sensitive episode where I discuss Mental Heath…enjoy the episode
wear my heart on my sleeve
lost friends and lost family to cancer
had a breakdown in my kitchen when work got too stressful
love things and people more than I should
When I was in grade 5 just 12 years old I was living in a rough area in Edmonton with rough people. I watched my neighbour take acid when I was 11 years old and have an episode. I watched my other neighbour have an epileptic attack grande mal seizure while me and my sister plus other neighbour kids were around – I remember being so scared and curious that I couldn’t look away or leave but too scared to get to close to this moment
Watched my grandmother die of cancer, lost my grandpa from my moms side he fell off a roof and had a heart attack, found by neighbour kids the same age as my daughter is today.
I have immediate family members that don’t respond to my calls, texts, emails, they aren’t around for important moments, they’re invited, they’ve been reached out to, they’re very important to me, they are included but don’t respond. They suffer from mental illness – they are crushed by their own sense of sadness and loss and can’t find their way out of it to reach out or connect tot he people that love them the most.
Watching my friend struggle with her job and her personal life at the same time. We need balance, if work is difficult your home life needs to be solid.
Sadness envelopes me when I think about my family as a child and miss everyone my heart swellsand biomes heavy – not because they are gone and don’t respond but because of the time we had together as a family – those days have passed.
Becomes heavy when I was 37 years old my husband had open heart surgery, I was looking at being a window at under 40, I was fearful my daughter would grow up without her dad
I have people in my life that are unkind, unkind to the people I love deeply – these people are mean spirited and passive aggressive and cross the line too much to count and as such I choose not to include them to save my heart from further pain.
Mental illness to me is all of these things and if we allow ourselves to be crushed by sadness, hope, disparity, strength….this will happen, mental illness will set in and conquer our lives. What we need to do is to embrace it, live it, let is fester for it’s time and then forgive it leave it by the curb and become more whole than you ever have as this is now part of you. the heavy ness of this moment, this person, this loss, this love. I have my moments, with Christmas just passed and not seeing my mom for another Christmas. BUT reaching out to the people who matter, and who you matter to is the most important.
BUT i have friends that fill up my days, and I’m open to trying, buying, eating, drinking, talking, playing, being together – saying yes when asked. Being the Asker because I need to be purposeful and fulfilled. Love life more and be better, do more and be stronger for it.
Mental Illness is our cognitive thinking skills, can we presume we know what someone is thinking, yes of course, is it accurate to the depths we want to perceive it to be, likely not. It maybe close but it’s not the everything.
For me I need to be with people, from what I know about M.I. is that it’s a lonely spot to be in, it’s cold and isolated. When you’re with people you feel warm and cared for – this matters. You matter. we need to matter to people and to the most important person – ourselves.
I lost one of the most important people to me a year ago and I have this whole in my heart even when I write this – no tears now as time has healed this emotion of breaking my barrier of tears BUT I feel sad that she’s no longer in my life, I feel like a void is truly there – she was a friend, a dear sweet, non deserving friend to be taken by cancer…BUT i’m stronger for knowing her, perhaps better to as she taught me to have more fun in life and enjoy life just a bit more.
Make life easier on ourselves and our best people. Think of these best people and why they are important, how they make you feel – why they are in your life and cherish these moments with them.
Reflect on Mental Illness, use these life trials as a ladder to build up our character, get that fodder in our lives for us to share amongst our best people at the dinner table to better our friendships. you never know who is going through these moments in life so give someone just a bit more patience do a little better to make life easier for someone else. and remember you are not alone.
thank you Valerie Moss, Valerie’s Variety Podcast
Mental Illness Podcast Challenge
- stop the stigma
Thank you for listening taking a spot out of your day to be with me and to give me your time, I truly appreciate it. Think about your friends and family who are going through some hard times, give them a text, email or a call to say hi and check in – they may not respond but you can guarantee they loved hearing from you. Thank you to River for putting this Mental Health Podcast challenge out there , thanks to my friend Amber for editing this episode. Thanks to London for the intro and outro. Please share your thoughts with me…in confidence if you have a story you’d like to share about mental illness, I’ve love to be your support to hear your story.